UGH

...it's that time of year again, and I'm sorry if this offends you (oh wait, I'm not sorry) but Uggs are back and they are disgusting, horrible, fashion-backward, etc.  I actually wrote a paper (An evaluative argument) on how terrible they are. It was a great paper.  Here it is:

...Uggghhhhh

Hideous.  Despicable.  The feet of a camel costume.  I am speaking of the terrible pieces of footwear that are Ugg Boots.  A good pair of shoes should be fashionable, functional, and worth their price.  Uggs are horrendous, useless, and any money spent on them is wasted money.

Some Ugg owners argue that they’re just so darn comfy.  If footwear was being judged on the sole purpose of comfort then perhaps Uggs would have something going for them.  Slippers would also have a high standing on the list.  But when it comes to aesthetics and even functionality, Uggs as well as your favorite bunny slippers don’t quite cut it.  Footwear is more than just comfort-- it’s about style and purpose.

On the fashion side of things, Ugg Boots give a frumpy and sloppy look and they are not very flattering.  They certainly don’t attract males, and are the opposite of a classy pair of heels.  Although I never thought I’d be quoting a fifteen-year-old pop star, Justin Bieber is a fellow Ugg critic and says, “I will not even look at you if you’re wearing Uggs, even if you’re Beyonce!” (Popstar 2010). That’s a pretty strong dislike, especially for a kid who admits to having a crush on Beyonce.

There is a trademark outfit that Uggs tend to be a part of which consists of the boots, leggings, a teeshirt, and a black North Face jacket.  You’re most likely lying if you say you have never seen the combination.  Hundreds of thousands of inflicted teenagers have a sheepskin covering over their eyes which makes them see this outfit as amazing; as a staple in their wardrobe.  I wish showers of recognition and eye-opening epiphanies on their poor souls.  This outfit is terrible and Uggs have made their way into having their very own ensemble.

One thing that immediately comes to mind when I see these fashion-backward boots is a camel.  I imagine a low-budget middle school play that requires animal costumes (camels in particular), and the feet are shaped in the exact heinous contour of Uggs.  Their chunky and awkward structure is available in a variety of colors such as black, grey, tan, and brown; gorilla, elephant, camel, and bear.  There are more ridiculous hues such as coral and royal blue, which are miscellaneously...unicorn.

A pair of shoes, and boots in particular, should be able to withstand the elements especially if it costs over a hundred dollars.  I can’t imagine walking through the snow, rain, or slush in a pair of Uggs without having a couple frostbitten toes or a full cup of water surrounding my feet.  Suede and sheepskin are not the best materials to have as your winter foot-coverings.  The Ugg website tells the backstory of the boots and traces the fashion back to surfers.  They used sheepskin boots to warm their feet after a day on the waves (Uggaustrailia.com).  Their use has been transformed, but the lack of functionality is the same.

Ugg Boots are way too expensive.  If you’re going to pay over a hundred dollars for a pair of porous sheepskin feet, why wouldn’t you just buy a pair of nice boots?  Although fashionable shoes can indeed be pricy, Ugg Boots are not fashionable, and therefore should not be so expensive.  Think back to your old bunny slippers-- are those worth over $140?  Absolutely not.

A fashionable shoe should first be pleasing to the eye, and if you take a look at a pair of Uggs, you should look no further.  That money could be much better spent on a pair of quality boots in the shoe area of L.L. Bean or even The North Face.  But please don’t get distracted by their fleece zip-ups because you may feel obligated to complete the outfit with a pair of camel feet.